The Blog Conundrum

This one has been on my heart every time I write a sentimental post like my last one, or if I'm writing about a fun time our family had on an outing, or whatever, really.  It's the blog conundrum.  I want to be real, but I don't want to complain too much or leave our family issues completely out in the open for interpretation that will quite likely be out of context.  I want to be positive and count my blessings, but then my life sounds too perfect (Ha! That's a good one!), and it does not accurately reflect the struggles we face on a daily basis.

Sometimes I waver between just keeping this a happy little blog full of memories - our online photo album for family and friends.  Our record of the girls growing up and the sweet memories we treasure.  But if that is all it is, a mere fraction of the entire picture is seen.  Maybe that's enough.  But what about the hard times?  I'm standing in the need of prayer always, but some of the stuff in our family really is too personal to broadcast to the world. 

But that leads me to another problem with this blog conundrum:  hypocrisy.  While I am extolling the virtues of being a stay-at-home mom, I am leaving out the fact that burn-out is a regular occurrence and at that very moment my children are being ignored (or worse, "told" to leave the room) while I type, check out e-mails and blogs, or web-surf.  Or I could go on and on about loving our "simple life, " when it's actually very complicated.  We're one of those families that I never thought we would be:  the dreaded "busy family."  We come very close to being overscheduled with preschool and ballet and the like.  But I found out the hard way this summer that there must be balance.  Too much and we have exhausted children tantrumming.  Too little and I go crazy trying to keep on top of my active girls. 

Speaking of being a stay-at-home mom, being on one income requires sacrifice, and 99% of the time I say "It's worth it, worth it, worth it.  I don't want to miss a moment."  But it has it's own problems, and some of them I never even dreamed about until this year when Chris' hours at work were decreased.  It's one thing to have to give up the wardrobe that I would like to have (honestly - it wouldn't fit in my little closet anyway) or to have to decide not to get the expensive beauty products.  (Hey, it's nice to know they work, but if they're not in my budget I have to get a not-so-effective alternative.  Or, since the whole point here is about honesty, get them anyway and feel guilty about it all.)   But now there's a sense of jeopardizing my family by not working outside the home.  Things aren't quite at this crucial point yet, but if they continue to get worse, I know that God will provide.  And if things get REALLY bad, He will provide a way for us to stay in our home, if it's His will.  It will either come through more hours for Chris, a job for me, or other creative ways of cutting costs that we haven't thought of or tried yet.  Either way, there's no mistaking the fact that we have been blessed on this single income journey, even though it is hard.  (Also, thanks to our loving parents for all the help they've given to make this possible!)

But it IS indeed a journey.  It's a journey through uncertainty and frustration (there will be no handy-man to fix our plethora of unfinished projects, no  professional organizer to help us fit into our little charmer, and no gardener to help with the weeds that are constantly trying to take over.) It is a journey through trying to balance power in our marriage, and I'm not sure my daughters are always getting the right message in that department.  Also regarding marriage: if all I'm doing on my blog is posting pictures of second honeymoons and glossing over our struggles, I may be missing a vital opportunity to witness to other married women.  Hopefully I can witness that there is hope even when it feels hopeless.  Someday I may be able to witness about rising above with wisdom and scripture - this is certainly not my forte right now, however!  If I can at least document some of our reality and add to that picture that we've been together 15 years (dating and married), maybe there's some goodness or encouragement that can be imparted that way.

So to end,  my keyboard is sticking and I can't finesse my closing thoughts into words anyway.  There you go - a little more reality for you right there!